.........As some of the readers here (all five of them) may know, I was born and raised in Boston, and didn't leave until I went to college. I was a rabid Boston sports fan, and had many epic nights hanging out with family and friends watching the Celtics win, the Bruins beat people up, and the Red Sox and Patriots embarass our home state.
But none of them were worse than the Red Sox. They were like that girlfriend who throws a little your way and then loves to show her friends how she can make you beg like a dog. Bucky Effing Dent. Bill Effing Buckner. Aaron Effing Boone. And that's the short list.
Last year I had a trip planned with some friends to go see the Patriots/Titans game in Massachusetts (they play in Foxborough, thus the name the "New England" Patriots. Yeah, like Maine gives a shit about the Patriots.) This game was in October, during the Red Sox annual October heartbreak, and the Sox were playing Oakland in the wild card during our trip. Before we left, I attempted to warn the Tennessee natives that it is dangerous to get caught up in the Red Sox in October, like dating a married woman, it never works out (I'm having WAY too many girlfriend/wife references in this story, I apologize. Ugh..).
Unfortunately, the warnings went unheeded. And to make it worse, I, who since '99 have pretty much sworn off the Bosox for my own good, started getting in to it again as well. We went to the Titans/Pats game and three of the four of us were decked out in full Titans gear, which probably was not the wisest thing to do in Foxborough. When we got to our seats, we were of course surrounded by your typical drunken Pats fans who (ahem) took exception to our choice of attire. We immediately explained to them that we were also Sox fans, and immediately we were all buddies again. During the Football game, the Sox were playing the A's in the playoffs at the same time, and every once in a while they would flash some highlights of the Red Sox scoring, etc. We went from cursing the guys next to us to high-fiving them minutes later throughout the whole game. As they say in Beatown, it was bizzzaaah doood.
We stayed in Boston for a couple days after the game and ended up watching the Sox beat the A's to move on to play the Evil Empire for a chance to get back to the world series. After beating the A's we spilled out on to copley street with a few dozen other drunken Bostonians and began a chant heard in Boston more often than Beat LA- YANKEES SUCK!! YANKEES SUCK!
For those who watched the series betwewen the Evil Empire and the Sox last year, you know the story, Pedro stays in too long, Aaron Effing Boone, etc. AD FREAKING INFINITUM.
Last night the Sox finished their third consecutive game in New York and lost in the 13th inning with half of the Yankees either in the hospital or on the bench. I get to work this morning and my friend from New York, a huge Yankees fan, left a message on my voicemail.
"Hey Tim, why don't you just get it over with and join the dark side. I can't even make fun of you anymore, it's just too tired at this point. I've used up all my jokes. Even saying Ortiz went to the Bill Buckner school of fielding doesn't get the same laughs at it used to. Have a good day. 1918."
Last year this bastard called my office before the Yankees/Red Sox series started and instructed all of my coworkers to litter the office with post it notes with the number 1918 written on all of them (for those who don't know the reference, that was the last year the Red Sox won the World Series.) Everywhere I went, the bathroom, breakroom, all over my desk, were these post it notes. The bastard.
I gotta tell you folks, it's hard not simply succumbing to the dark side. I am so freaking tired of the broken record that is the Red Sox vs.the Yankees that I feel like throwing my hands up and falling at the altar of the Babe himself....
The Dark Side is strong.........